My week in BIRDS:

Sunday:
The birds do not rest on Sunday. While walking to breakfast, I saw them. The tiny little black devil birds; while, they may be small in stature, they are BIG on evil tendencies. An older, balding man was walking in front of Charlotte and I when one of them suicide-dove from the telephone wire into his head. I immediately turned Charlotte into a human shield and watched from behind her shoulder as he did a couple double-takes from the cement to the sky, rubbed his head and then screamed at the bird, "Asshole!"
As I ran past him, for my dear life (of course), I made sure to agree with him, birds are assholes.

Monday-Tuesday:
Slow bird days.

Wednesday:
A skinny, scrawny, scary pigeon followed me for a full block. You know the kind I'm talking about, the ones that really look like rats. The ones who look like they haven't had a scrap of food, ever. I was convinced it was following me, because it was hungry, and I was to be it's next meal. I've never walked so quickly to work. I actually got to work on time. Hmmm...now that I'm thinking about it...you think Gap was involved in that?

Thursday:
Nasty rat-birds hanging outside my apartment, nothing out of the ordinary.

Friday:
Well, this morning was lovely.
A few minutes before my alarm went off, I thought I was going to die.
Half-asleep, half-awake, half-dreaming, I felt my bed do a little jump (or was that my body?) as two sets of bird legs pounded onto the one-inch visible section of my skylight. In my "they can probably break through the window" daze, I did a quick drop and roll (aka roll over in terror and fall) into the crevice between my bed and my drawers. Sideways. You should have seen me try and get out of that one. Let's just say...I can't think on my side. I was flailing around like a parrot in a cage (funny to compare myself to a bird, in this moment), while still watching what those feet would do next.
Needless to say, I hurt my shoulder, fell hard, shimmied out of the awkward position I put myself in and got ready in the bathroom.
As I was leaving my apartment, safe from the bird feet, I finally paused on the stairs and got to laugh. Because I'm sure if you saw me fall out of my bed into a 8-inch crevice, you would have laughed at me so since it was just me; I had a good, long laugh... at myself.
Those STUPID birds.